It's A Pundit

Satire

An Open Letter to Mexico's President, Felipe Calderon

Dear President Calderon:

As you are no doubt aware, America the Great is quickly becoming America the Gray. The so-called "boomer" generation, comprised of approximately 40 million Americans, will soon reach retirement age.

America's boomers are generally well educated, financially solvent, socially active, and, quite frankly, dead tired.

Our seniors yearn for a less frantic pace and a lifestyle that allows one to pause and smell the roses now and again. In other words, boomers are looking for the "Good Life" which is supposed to accrue to those who work 45 years, pay ungodly amounts in taxes, raise a family, put children through college, and baby-sit the grandchildren.

In the parlance of our youth, "Our Time Has Come."

Unfortunately, the United States is no longer as hospitable as it once was to graying citizens.

As a result, boomers have decided to move en masse to your beloved Mexico, starting in May.

Knowing that the Mexican government is a strong proponent of open borders and liberal immigration policies (at least for Mexicans wishing to relocate in the U.S.), boomers anticipate that their needs and wishes will be fully accommodated with minimal interference and bureaucratic hassle.

In plain English, we expect to be treated like upscale Mexican citizens, with all the perks and advantages attendant thereto.

Incidentally, we prefer to be called "undocumented boomers."

Undocumented Boomers have organized an activist group called"Seniors Without Borders," whose goal is to advocate change for seniors without violence, provided our needs are met.

President Calderon, I am delighted to announce that 40 million undocumented American boomers in Seniors Without Borders are headed to Mexico!

Viva America!

Current plans call for about 500,000 boomers to cross the border into Mexico each month, starting in May of this year.

As with any complex transition, there are several "ground rules" that must be followed in order to make this change seamless for undocumented boomers.

Accordingly, your attention is directed to the following action items:

* Mexican sovereignty, borders, and immigration laws are essentially null and void with respect to undocumented boomers. No attempt shall be made to enforce said restrictions on these good hearted, hard working Americans.

* Undocumented boomers shall receive unlimited education, food, housing, legal assistance, and geriatric care on demand, the cost of which shall be borne solely by Mexican taxpayers.

* Mexican hospitals, medical clinics, and emergency rooms shall be obligated to meet the medical needs of all undocumented boomers, without regard to ability to pay.

This obligation shall not be limited or restricted in any way because of any real or projected negative impact on Mexico's medical systems, including the loss of vital services to Mexican citizens.

* Although undocumented boomers shall not be obligated to pay for medical services received in Mexico, they shall be entitled to send $30-50 billion a year back to the United States with impunity. The Mexican government shall actively facilitate the transfer of such funds to America.

* English is the only language used by undocumented boomers; further, boomers have no desire or obligation to learn Spanish.

All legal, governmental, commercial, and financial documentation, including descriptions of free public services and opportunities available, shall be provided in English at no cost.

* Undocumented boomers shall be licensed to drive without regard to immigration status. All driver instruction and testing materials shall be in English.

* Blood relatives of undocumented boomers shall be eligible for the same reduced tuition rates offered to Mexican students in the nation legally. All instruction shall be provided in English.

Immersion for the purpose of teaching Spanish is a failed concept and shall not be attempted.

* Undocumented boomers shall be eligible to vote in Mexican elections without any requirement to prove identity.

* America's free speech, free love, and anti-government revolutions originated with activists in the undocumented boomer generation.

From time to time, it may be necessary for millions of boomers to take over the streets of Mexico in order to protest the rule of law when the "rights" of undocumented boomers are violated.

During such protests, boomers will wave Old Glory and scream “Yes, we can!” and “We are Mexico!” in English, as they protest the rule of law.

All such activities are valid free speech expressions in a thriving Democracy. As a consequence, the Mexican government shall take no action to limit or impede protests by undocumented boomers.

* Americans celebrate the 4th of July to commemorate our independence from Great Britain. Undocumented boomers prefer to conduct business as normal on May 5, while celebrating the 4th of July.

* Undocumented boomers are very sensitive and are easily offended. Therefore, Mexicans shall refrain from using terms like "illegal alien," "Red Neck," or "Gringo" when addressing or discussing boomers.

In closing, Mr. President, let me assure you that undocumented boomers look forward to contributing positively to Mexican society, culture, and financial stability.

In doing so, we will attempt to do for Mexico what 30 million Mexican illegal aliens are currently doing to America!

With best regards and wishes for a diverse and free Mexico, I remain sincerely yours.

John W. Lillpop
California

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Speaker Nancy Pelosi continues to make headlines with her revolutionary views and attitudes.

I caught up with the speaker at Pier 39 in San Francisco where she was fishing for a pet shark.

John:

Well, good afternoon, Madam Speaker. So very good to see you again! Any bites?

Speaker Pelosi:

Good to see you again as well, John.

Regrettably, the only bites so far are to my backside, and those were inflicted by those darn southern Blue Dogs!

John:

So sorry, Speaker Pelosi. How about the anti-war leftists–they are putting pressure on as well are they not?

Speaker Pelosi:

Well, yes, to a certain extent.

But the difference is that most of the anti-war folks are from California–plus they are 100 percent right! We need to get out of Iraq before the American people start blaming Democrats for Bush's folly.

John:

I understand. We have had some really big news recently, starting with the guilty verdict for Scooter Libby. How does that verdict sit with you?

Speaker Pelosi:

Well, of course he was guilty. Good heavens, who in the world could doubt the word of Tim Russert? That man is an institution and certainly more credible than anyone working in the Bush White House.

John:

So you are opposed to a presidential pardon for Libby?

Speaker Pelosi:

Yes. In fact, I believe that President Bush should recuse himself if a pardon request is filed.

John:

But that would effectively deny Libby a constitutional remedy available to U.S. citizens. Surely that would be unfair, even to a member of the Bush administration?

Speaker Pelosi:

Not really. Although I am not a constitutional scholar, I believe that the president's pardon authority could be delegated to the next individual in the chain of command.

John:

But with all due respect, Madam Speaker, that would place the matter in the hands of Dick Cheney. Doesn't he have an even greater conflict of interest when it comes to Libby?

Speaker Pelosi:

Of course he does, which is why we Democrats would insist that Cheney recuse himself as well.

John:

Then what, Ms. Speaker? The next in line would be…the Speaker of the House.

Are you saying that any pardon request for Libby should be adjudicated by yourself?

Speaker Pelosi:

Uh, well, you know, I had not really thought it through. But I guess you are right–I would have to decide the issue for America.

John:

And how would you handle it? Could you be fair?

Speaker Pelosi:

Fair? Absolutely!

We would give Libby his day in court–and then we would ship his corrupt rear to Leavenworth.

John:

But that sounds so spiteful. Doesn't America stand for true objectivity and higher principles of law in dealing with the accused?

Speaker Pelosi:

Right again, John. I am thinking we could probably work out something with Libby. You know, an unconditional pardon in exchange for some good juicy testimony against Dick Cheney and or George Bush.

After all, this IS America–I am sure we would be able to find a democratic way to send Cheney to jail in Libby's place.

John:

I guess I understand, Madam Speaker.

The next big issue concerns Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Mr. Gonzales is facing calls for his resignation from folks like Senators Clinton and Schumer.

My question, Madam Speaker: Do these attacks have their roots in racism? After all, Gonzales is Hispanic.

Speaker Pelosi:

In all honesty, John, while it is true that Gonzales is a Mexican, he is entirely the wrong kind of Mexican.

For example, most real Mexicans with law degrees stay in their barrio communities to help disadvantaged Mexicans get out of trouble.

In other words, educated Mexicans with good hearts become DUI defense attorneys. Or they fight for illegal aliens against deportation and other injustices. Clearly, Alberto Gonzales is not of that ilk.

John:

But Gonzales is a licensed attorney. Are you challenging his credentials to practice law?

Speaker Pelosi:

All I am really saying, John, is that we need to be very careful about folks who hail from Texas, are friends of George Bush, and who claim to have risen to heights uncommon for people from sullied socio-economic backgrounds.

Remember Harriet Miers? Bush tried to snooker the Senate into placing a lottery queen on the U.S. Supreme Court!

But we smoked him out on that one, and we must do likewise with this Gonzales character.

John:

But what about Silvestre Reyes, the Democrat who is your Chairman of the Intelligence Committee?

It is reported that Reyes does not even know the difference between a Sunni and Shia. Is he qualified for the job, or is he there only because he is of Mexican descent?

Speaker Pelosi:

John, you must be getting your news from right-wing extremist outlets like CQ or ABC, for heaven's sake.

QC distorted the Reyes interview completely, and did so with malice. To begin with, the interview was conducted in English, an obvious attempt to confuse Mr. Reyes into saying something he did not fully understand.

As it turns out, in Spanish Sunni means Shia, and Shia means Sunni, or something like that.

The point is that Silvestre Reyes is a former border patrol man who knows a terrorist when he sees one–whether or not the terrorist is Sunni or Shia is just superfluous pap not vital to homeland security.

John:

Good point, Madam Speaker. Now what about that big set back for gun control in Washington, D.C., where an appeals court ruled that the anti-gun law was in violation of the 2nd amendment. Your response?

Speaker Pelosi:

Well, of course, all Americans of good will and high intelligence are outraged that activist judges would let the archaic Constitution interfere with good urban law.

We must never forget that the Constitution is over 220 years old. America has changed a lot in those 220 years, and it is our duty to make laws that address the needs of contemporary people in the 21st century.

Besides, the Constitution was never intended to be interpreted so rigidly. As Howard Dean points out, the framers intended the Constitution and the Bill of Rights to used mainly as guidelines, rather than unalterable law.

In any event, we believe that new and even tougher gun control laws will eventually be enacted, once Alberto Gonzales and Scooter Libby are booted out of Washington D.C.

John:

Thank you ever so much for your time, Speaker Pelosi!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

As if the 30 million or so illegal aliens already haunting America is not bad enough, President Bush spent the last six days beating the bushes in Latin America, looking for even more invaders to house, fed, clothe, educate, and provide medical care for.

All of which is to be paid for by American taxpayers, of course.

For their part, hundreds of thousands of Latinos were trying to beat the Bushes in massive street riots and protests at every stop.

Clearly, George W. Bush is a "unifier" without equal.

Think about it: In the space of just six fleeting years, this president has united a billion Muslims, China, Russia, North Korea, all of the middle-east, and now Latin America, against the United States.

Significantly, the repudiation of Bush crosses all racial, social, educational, economic, and political lines–he is an equal opportunity antagonist with remarkable versatility and consistency.

Only when one escapes earth's gravity does the anti-Bush fervor seem to diminish–and then only because our commander-in-chief has yet to launch a preemptive strike against a neighboring galaxy.  But he is probably working on it.

While on his mission to annoy as many Latin Americans as possible, the president stopped in several nations to spread the gospel, according to Duyba:

In Brazil, Bush urged more Brazilian students to invade our colleges and universities.

Funny, there was nothing in the mainstream media about a crisis involving a shortage of Brazilian students in the U.S.  But Duyba begged Brazilians to "Come to America to study," nonetheless.

In Uruguay, Mr. Bush touted an effort that his administration is very proud of: A program that helps President Tabaré Vázquez in his efforts to make Uruguay youngsters more literate, particularly in English.

If this program pans out as expected, Bush is expected to enroll for the fall semester himself, in order to upgrade his own English-language skills.

In Columbia, Bush insisted that America needs a guest-worker program for good hearted, hard worked Colombian drug traffickers.

Bush said such a program would motivate the thugs to give up their multi-million dollar cocaine trade in order to pick avocados for $3.50 an hour in 100-degree heat in California.

In Guatemala, the president decided to try out a new comedy routine.

Responding to criticism from President Oscar Berge concerning deportations of illegal aliens, the president actually had the gall to claim that America is a nation that operates under the rule of law, and that the U.S. would continue to enforce the law.

When the laughing finally died down, Bush grabbed a crate of lettuce, hoisted it onto the back of a truck, and declared himself just one of the hombres, and an illegal alien at heart himself.

In Mexico, the final stop on the president's trip, Bush was confronted by Mexican President Felipe Calderon who appears to have lost his mind after just three months in office.

Calderon expressed outrage over the pending fence at the U.S.-Mexican border, and demanded that the America do more to accommodate Latinos who want to invade America, whether or not America needs or wants them.

Bush could have responded with lectures about rule of law, Mexico's own harsh immigration program, America's vulnerability to terrorism, U.S. sovereignty, and preservation of American language and culture.

Instead, Bush promised to put more pressure on Congress to speed up America's unconditional surrender to Mexico.

Bush also invited Calderon to visit the White House once it is renamed the Brown Palace, after comprehensive immigration reform (amnesty) is enacted.

Despite the spin coming from Bush handlers, there were negative developments.

For example, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez followed Bush around like a liberal activist looking for new voter fraud strategies and tactics.

This portly commie hurled insults, accusations, and lies at Bush while screaming "We are going to take this battle to Brazil, Uruguay, Columbia, Guatemala, and Mexico!" in a mental collapse reminiscent of the Dean Scream in 2004.

Note: Howard Dean's office vehemently denies that the Chavez rants were sourced from the DNC anti-Bush handbook and media talking points guide.

But the best story line of the trip involves Mayan spiritual leaders who protested Bush's visit to Guatemala because "he (Bush) angered the gods."

Maya leaders in the ancient site of Iximche in Guatemala say they will have to cleanse the ground that Bush walked on during his visit.

They plan to do this by laying flowers, burning incense and then throwing water on the ground where his feet have touched their sacred land to clear the bad energy his visit has caused.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi has indicated that a similar procedure may be needed by Democrats in Washington, D.C., especially if Bush persists with his wrong-headed troop surge in Iraq!

George W. Bush, for reasons known only to his therapist and pet snake, is intent on destroying America. His number one objective seems to be allowing enough peasants to come here illegally so that America itself will decay into a third-world cesspool akin to Mexico.

Excepting a few stalwart conservatives, the Bush plan to trash America has wide support from liberals who salivate at the prospect of 20-30 million new instant Democrats.

Profit-driven business tycoons with little or no concern for homeland security, U.S. sovereignty, rule of law, and preservation of American language and culture, are also eager to legalize millions of people who will work for below-minimum wage and without benefits.

President Bush, liberal politicians, and business executives are able to dismiss valid concerns about the "Mexicanization" of America because their lives will be shielded from the devastation.

Elitists' children will attend private schools free from the hordes of non-English speaking invaders who impede the instruction of real American students

Elitists' homes will be in upscale residential areas where invaders cut lawns and scrub toilets, but cannot afford to live.

Elitists' churches and other places of worship will remain segregated by neighborhood and wealth.

In other words, to elitists like George W. Bush, greedy business people, and Democrats, the deterioration of America will be virtually invisible.

However, for what remains of America's middle and lower classes, the Mexicanization of America will mean an abrupt and bitter end to the American Dream.

Liberal spin-doctors will even try to sell the ruination of America as a good thing because, according to the socialist's pledge of allegiance, "Diversity is our greatest strength!"

What hope is there if elitists in power cannot or will not understand the stupidity of open borders and amnesty?

Perhaps a graphic, but simple, analogy might help.

Let's say you planned a grand birthday party to celebrate your daughter's 10th birthday. Your daughter's favorite treat is Dryer's deluxe ice cream so you plan to serve that delicacy on the big day.

On the day of the party, a liberal nut case crashes the party and heads for the ice cream vat. The interloper decides that the ice cream, although the very finest in the entire world, is too plain and thus decides to "spice up" the eagerly anticipated dessert.

She does so by adding a several scoops of potting soil to the vat of rich and creamy Dryer's ice cream.

In so doing, the liberal has acheived the socialist goal of "diversity." Unfortunately, she has also ruined a vat of priceless ice cream, and destroyed a dream day for a precocious ten-year old.

Elitists must not be allowed to ruin our great heritage and culture for cheap labor, cheap votes, or very costly socialist schemes that would end the American dream for hundreds of millions of citizens who deserve much better!

Satire by John W. Lillpop
With the illegal immigration debate heating up once again, I expect President Bush to jump into the fray by taking more of a leadership role.

In fact, I fully expect that Bush will deliver a nationwide television address on the subject. That address will probably go something like this:

Mr. Fellow Amerimexans:

Americans have always been known as a compassionate, caring people. Newcomers appreciate our hospitable and warm ways, especially when we welcome them with open arms, open hearts, and free health care, education, and food stamps.

At the same time, we are a nation dedicated to the rule of law. Without law and order, no civilized society can hope to survive.

It is America's unwavering commitment to law and order that brings me before you tonight.

As most of you know, there are approximately 30 million aliens in our midst who have who crossed the Mexican border without some of the paperwork that bureaucrats are so fond of.

With very few exceptions, these undocumented people are good hearted, hard working folks who came to America only to pursue the most prized possession on earth: A stake in the American Dream.

Unfortunately, because of rampant vigilantism in people calling themselves Minutemen and others calling themselves conservative Republicans, millions of innocent, undocumented folks have been forced to live in the shadows, afraid to partake fully of all we have to offer.

This tragic injustice must not be allowed to continue.

Accordingly, I have decided to restore law and order to America by pardoning all those here illegally.

Just moments ago, I signed Executive Order "Uno Pardonade," which confers full citizenship on anyone who can prove his or her illegal status and who can also speak Mexican.

With just my signature, this most divisive, gut-wrenching issue has been resolved. Peacefully.

The rule of law is once again an honored tenet of American governance.

By the way, this is NOT amnesty. Please remember that America is a nation that operates under the rule of law. Amnesty has no place in our great nation.

I am fully aware that some of my fellow Americans will be unhappy with my decision, and some will even resist the changes I have outlined.

To those vigilante-like dissidents, I say: Your views do not count. All that matters is what the president wants—-and that just happens to be yours truly.

In anticipation of irresponsible behavior by some in response to my act of
compassionate conservatism, I have ordered the Pentagon to begin immediate redeployment of 50,000 brave American men and women from Iraq.

These American heroes will be assigned to the Mexican border, charged with the responsibility to escort and assure safe passage for illegal aliens coming to join us.

This will be called "Operation Help Felipe." Although it is a military operation, I expect these 50,000 American patriots to show professional restraint at all times.

Thus, the use of force is expressly forbidden, except as needed to quash out-of-control Minutemen or, even more dangerous, wild characters like Tom Tancredo or Duncan Hunter.

Finally, as your president, I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you in that 29 percent of Americans whom still trust me. I assume that my actions tonight will help restore some stability to my approval ratings.

I am also betting that 30 million emancipated Mexicans will cause a
nice "bump" in those polls.

Thank you for listening.

Good evening, and God Bless Mexico—err, make that God Bless America!

President George W. Bush

satire by lillpop

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

Revelations about former Speaker Gingrich's extra-marital affair while he was pursuing Bill Clinton's scalp for impeachment are titillating, but only to those seek to fill their hollow skulls with unmitigated pap.

In other words, liberals have not been this excited since Viet Nam fell to the communists!

While it is true that both Gingrich and Slick fell victims to lust and debauchery, it is not true that their transgressions were equally serious.

In the case of President William Jefferson Clinton, it was never about a "private matter between consenting adults," despite the nonsensical spin fabricated by liberals like Laney Davis and other Clinton apologists.

Rather, Bill Clinton stood accused of perjury, subornation of perjury, and obstruction of justice.

Mr. Clinton's felony crimes–not his sexual dalliances-- lead to his impeachment, disbarment in Arkansas, and revocation of his right to argue before the United States Supreme Court.  The later two sanctions were subsequently lifted with the passage of time.

Given his position of power, Clinton was surely guilty of sexual harassment as well, both as president and while Governor of Arkansas.

In fact, if Clinton had been a Republican, liberals in Congress, egged on by feminist nazis, would have pressed for his immediate castration, followed by impeachment and removal from office.

As it was, NOW and other feminist organizations seemed more interested in midnight basketball than the deliberate and premeditated stalking of young females by the most powerful man on earth.

Newt and Slick: Equally reprehensible?  Don't you believe it!

by John W. Lillpop

Speaker Nancy Pelosi and other assorted liberals like John Murtha in the U.S. House have announced the new Democrat plan for ending the war in Iraq.

Here: http://theconservativevoice.com/ap/article.html?mi=D8NO3FNG0&apc=9008

Mind you, Pelosi et al. are not concerned with winning the war, but want a "date certain" for the U.S. to complete the "cut and run" strategy that liberals are so fond of.

Cynical minds want to know: Why the Fall of 2008?

Perhaps it is just sheer coincidence, but isn't there a presidential election scheduled for November 2008?

And will not all 435 members of the U. S. House and a number of U.S. senators also be up for re-election?

And you thought that Nancy Pelosi was just a San Francisco airhead suffering from Botox poisoning?

In fact, of course, Speaker Pelosi is doing her utmost to get a Democrat elected to the White House. She is also anxious to keep both houses of Congress in the hands of the enemy, especially the U.S. House where Pelosi will be pushing to continue her reign of terror.

What better way to sway American voters than by arranging to bring our troops home just before the elections?

Of course, Pelosi and the liberals will need to be very careful about the timing of their surrender. Pelosi's brilliant strategy could backfire if the middle east devolves into complete chaos with gasoline soaring to $5 a gallon as a result of the U.S. retreat.

Still, there is wide support for the Pelsoi Plan all over the world.

We understand, for example, that the plan is a big hit with cave-dwelling seven-foot terrorists in Afghanistan.

In addition, the Pelosi Plan is said to please Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Of course, Ahmadinejad is Islam's best example of the "Religion of Peace" in action.

How does King Ahmadinejad sound, Ms. Speaker?  Wonder how infidels, especially Jews, would fare?

satire by lillpop

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

by John W. Lillpop

As the Ann Coulter "F" word scandal spreads from coast to coast, from Mexico to Canada, and throughout Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Guam, the moon, and other American territories and holdings, otherwise rational Republicans seem intent on throwing out the baby with the bath water.

After all, Ms. Coulter did not wish death on any opposite-minded foe as did Bill Mahler; she did not put on a phony southern accent and pretend that Ebonics is her native tongue as Hillary Clinton did, and she did not storm into Selma just to grab national media attention while pretending to be part of the historic civil rights struggle that began there 42 years ago, as Barack Obama did.

Most importantly, Ms. Coulter did not pretend to be a conservative as Rudy Giuliani did.

Anyone who has studied Giuliani's record knows he is wrong on abortion, wrong on immigration, wrong on gay issues, and, in fact, wrong on nearly all issues important to conservatives.

The only thing Giuliani has going for him is this: He is not Hillary Clinton!

Other than that, a Giuliani presidency would be nearly as tragic for America as the past six years have been under the mindless Dubya.

As for Ann Coulter, at least the woman is consistently conservative. She is right, and always right, on all of the issues.

Those genuinely concerned about preserving conservative values should denounce Rudy Giuliani's liberalism, rather than hyperventilating over a harmless bit of satire from Ann Coulter!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where people like Nancy Pelosi are considered reasonable!

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by John W. Lillpop

Does anyone in the PC-muddled world understand the satirical genesis behind Ann Coulter's "inappropriate" remark last week?

Does the name Isaiah Washington ring a bell?

Washington is a star of the television hit show "Grey's Anatomy," who called fellow actor T.R. Knight the "F" word.

As a result of that PC violation, Washington nearly lost his career. In fact, the beleaguered actor actually checked into rehab to seek treatment in order to quell the uproar.

Can you imagine? Use of an "offensive" word is of such gravity these days that one is compelled to enter rehabilitation, like an alcoholic or drug addict?

For uttering one word which, in abbreviated form, used to mean cigarette?

Mind you, Washington's sin did not involve any of the seven "dirty" words forbidden from use on U.S. airwaves by the FCC.

Alas, Ann Coulter was obviously referring to the entirely inappropriate, politically correct nonsense that Isaiah Washington stirred up when he used the "F" word.

As a brilliant satirist who delights in pummeling liberals at every turn, Ms. Coulter dropped a line that sailed way over the heads of her conservative audience and the mainstream media.

Above all else, it was a joke and NOT an "outing."

There will be no "film at 11," and with the exception of 3,823 empty tubes of Brell discovered on John Edward's multi-million dollar estate, Coulter has no corroborating evidence to share.

So, please, put away the kindling wood and gasoline.

Burning Ann Coulter at the stake, while it would be great fun for liberals and the media, is neither necessary nor "appropriate."

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal, "clean and sober" since 1992 when last he voted for a Democrat. Pray for John: He lives in the San F