It's A Pundit

How do you say “Illegal Aliens Get Out!” in Spanish?

We may soon find out.

On the heels of a spectacular triumph in Oklahoma earlier this week, thinking people in Farmers Branch, Texas said “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” to those who would turn this great nation over to invading criminals from the third world.

How SWEET it is!

The vote on Saturday is the first time illegal immigration has been tested directly at the polls, and the results are a wonderful gift to the folks of Farmers Branch and to all who value American sovereignty, rule of law, and preservation of American language and
culture.

Story in the Dallas News

This vote sends a very clear message: The American people do not want amnesty for illegal aliens!

Are you listening George W. Bush, RINOs, and Democrats?

If so, drop your foolish amnesty plans and let the deportations begin.

The people have spoken!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Baltimore, Maryland is a city haunted by liberal infestation without equal, save San Francisco which is actually a political suburb of Moscow.

Evidence of Baltimore’s decadent politics is ample: Speaker Nancy Pelosi was born here; her father was a U.S. Congressman from Maryland and a Mayor of Baltimore, and one of her five brothers also served as Mayor.

With such a rich history of liberal politics, one would expect Baltimore to be a shining example of political correctness, diversity, and tolerance.

“Acceptance and love for everyone” is surely mandated by city ordinance, and enforced more rigorously than laws pertaining to drunken driving, acts of terrorism, and other violations less serious than non-PC speech.

Despite the influence of Speaker Pelosi and other family politicians, it turns out that Baltimore is home to intolerant scalawags, at least when it comes to conservative icons and great American patriots like Rush Limbaugh.

Baltimore vandals, suffering from obvious deficits in diversity training, decided that a billboard featuring the mug of America’s beloved El Rushbo was too offensive and bland.

So the thugs splattered the billboard face of Rush with gobs of red, blue, yellow, pink, and black paint.

Reacting to the vulgar defacement of the greatest “ditto head” to ever live, Robert Murrow of Baltimore Department of Public Works, told a local newspaper: ""It looks like they took globs of paint and threw it on his face. It looks great. It did my heart good.”

Murrow stated the obvious when he added that he is no ditto head. He is, however, a flaming dodo head.

Baltimore officials promise than an investigation is ongoing to determine who defaced the billboard. A full and unrelenting prosecution is promised one the guilty party or parties is identified.

For her part, Speaker Pelosi emphatically denied any role in the Rush Rage that is consuming her place of birth and declared that “intolerance is intolerable and will not be tolerated, even in cases involving intolerant ditto heads and other intellectually challenged right wing fools.”

Unconfirmed reports indicate that the speaker is perhaps being disingenuous, at the very least.

That is the conclusion of an anonymous tipster who reports that careful examination of the pink and black globs around Rush’s mouth clearly show the initials NP, SOTH.

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House– and closet starving artist?

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Nearly one year ago, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid was polluting the immigration debate by calling a proposal to make English the official language "racist."

"This amendment is racist. I think it's directed basically to people who speak Spanish," the Democrat said during the already tense debate over immigration reform.

Washington Times:

However, Reid has not always been so tolerant of Hispanic newcomers.

In fact, in 1993 the unremarkable Harry Reid introduced the 'Immigration Stabilization Act' on the floor of the US Senate, and sounded downright intolerant of illegal aliens.

In 1993, illegal aliens were overwhelmingly Hispanic, just as is the case in 2006.

At the time of Reid's impassioned rant in 1993, America was collapsing under the weight of 3.5 million illegal aliens.

The crisis motivated Reid to declare: "Our borders have overflowed with illegal immigrants placing tremendous burdens on our criminal justice system, schools and social programs."

"Our federal wallet is stretched to the limit by illegal aliens getting welfare, food stamps, medical care and other benefits often without paying any taxes," Reid continued.

The full text of Reid's speech and highlights of his bill can be viewed here:

Now, fast forward to 2006. The illegal alien crisis that ruined Reid's sleep in 1993 has mushroomed five fold, with 20 million illegal aliens now squatting in America.

And the need to prevent illegal immigration is far greater now than it was in 1993, given the events of 9/11 and the ongoing war on terror.

So why was Reid so gung-ho in 1993, but reduced to race-baiting obstruction in the far more dangerous environment of 2007?

It is the votes, stupid!

Harry Reid and the Democrats realize they can no longer win elections by appealing to real American citizens.

They now know that their only hope rests with pandering to 20 million illegal aliens, or "undocumented Democrats," truth be told.

The liberal motto, then, is as follows: To hell with the best interests of America, the more important objective is having Democrats in power.

If calling a common sense amendment "racist" advances that objective, Reid and the loony left are more than happy to take those cheap political points to the bank–pronto!

Why is this criminal not on the ground or on a bus to Mexico?

John W. Lillpop

After the May Day fiasco in Los Angeles, Police Chief William Bratton should voluntarily turn in his badge and pursue another line of work, or be forced to leave.

Chief Bratton's initial mistake was that he did not order the police to use MORE force to quell the riotous and dangerous behavior of illegal aliens.

When these parasitical leeches became unruly and disruptive as a part of their idiotic march to demand "rights" they do not have, the Police Chief has to know that it is time for rule of law to trump PC timidity.

After all, law enforcement is supposed to protect American citizens, rather than coddle and kowtow to angry invading mobsters from the third world.

Bratton's second, and nearly as grievous, mistake was saying afterwards that he was disturbed by "inappropriate" police tactics to clear immigration protesters from a park.

Fact is, the only thing "inappropriate" is that police were too gentle with the renegades who deserved to be kicked in the posterior with sufficient force to drive them back across the southern border.

Since William Bratton is unwilling, or unable, to use the power and authority of his position to protect American citizens from criminals, his tenure as police chief should end. Now!

Satire

Everyone agrees that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is, if nothing else, an odd bloke. A card or two short of a full deck it seems.

And so it is that with all his talk about the Holocaust being a myth, and threatening to drive Israel into the Mediterranean, the Iranian president has a well-deserved image as a lunatic.

However, Ahmadinejad's latest gaffe has even his sharpest critics gasping in shock and disbelief.

Apparently, the little weasel decided that a teacher who flunked him out of a Human Rights class 40 years ago needed to be paid back before she moved on to serve as a virgin-slave in Islam heaven.

Thus, being the typical male chauvinist pig that he is, Ahmadinejad sealed his former teacher's fate by kissing the old lady on the hand and then embracing her.

This vulgar public orgy was misinterpreted by western observers as a sign that the wild man was going soft, and might even be more reasonable in future interactions with the civilized world.

However, that notion was blown to smithereens quicker than a George W. Bush "Mission Accomplished" sign once the real facts were disclosed.

Under Sharia law, it is unlawful for a man to have any physical contact with a woman to whom he is not related.

Now we know why Bill Clinton never formally converted to Islam!

But back to Mahmoud: Because the little old lady permitted Ahmadinejad to plant a kiss on her gloved hand, under Sharia law SHE is guilty of decadence and indecency and is to be stoned to death for her perversion.

And what about Ahmadinejad?

According to Sharia law, his F in Human Rights has been expunged, and he is to be honored in a nationally televised ceremony for going the extra mile to keep Islam free from the influence of unclean women with lust in their hearts!

You go, Mahmoud!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

For Immediate Release

(San Francisco)—The following press release was issued by the Office of Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the United States House of Representatives:

With the Cinco de Mayo celebrations looming, Speaker Pelosi believes that the American people need progressive ideas and leadership when it comes to the issue of immigration.

In order to steer America away from the subhuman quagmire that George W. Bush has created, Speaker Pelosi is proposing the following program to make America a more attractive destination for third world peasants to invade.

In her own words, then, Speaker Pelosi offers her Cinco de Mayo greeting to America and the remaining peasants in Mexico who have not yet invaded America, but who will do so when monthly food stamp and welfare allotments increase by at least 10 percent.

Nancy Pelosi's Progressive Compassion Program to Fix Immigration

No Human Being Is Illegal

As Democrats, we believe that the term "illegal alien" should only be used when referring to the invasion of a woman's uterus by an unwanted fetus, and then only as needed to provide concise language for the death certificate of the aborted interloper.

When used to describe migrants from Mexico and other Latin nations, the term illegal alien is xenophobic and morally repugnant, and is a pernicious denial of the humanness of some of the most talented toilet bowl scrubbers, janitors, housemaids, burger flippers, fruit pickers, and operators of hi-tech leaf blowers in America.

We Democrats also object most vehemently when "illegal alien" is used as a derogatory slur against killers, MS-13 gangsters, drunken drivers, welfare cheats, identity thieves, drug smugglers, child molesters, and other future constituents who are down on their luck and in need of a helping hand, rather than a kick in the posterior.

As Speaker of the House, I have drafted redemptive legislation to add "illegal alien" and "wetback" to the list of terms that qualify as hate speech in America.

This draft is being reviewed by Mexican President Felipe Calderon and the Mexican Congress, and will be released to U.S. House members after all comments from Mexico's leaders have been resolved to the satisfaction of Mexico.

A Spanish translation of the draft will also be sent to the White House for President Bush to review.

For the record: The preferred term for those living here, but missing a silly piece of paper or two, is "Undocumented Constituent."

America Must Be Deportation-free Sanctuary

Tens of millions of undocumented constituents hide in the shadows of American society, afraid to assimilate because of fear of punitive action by a government that hates the color brown.

San Francisco pioneered the "Nuclear-free" zoning concept several years ago to alert the world that The City is completely free from nuclear weapons and should not be attacked. That policy has worked beautifully, because there have been no nuclear incidents since the declaration was codified into San Francisco's City Charter.

Using the same template of success, I, in conjunction with Gavin Newsome, Mayor of San Francisco, hereby designate America as a deportation-free sanctuary to anyone who can prove that he/she is here from Mexico without proper documentation, who speaks Spanish, but absolutely no English, and who is destitute and in need of public services to survive.

As an added benefit, undocumented constituents who can prove they are HIV positive are also eligible for free housing and transportation in San Francisco.

These progressive enhancements will surely make undocumented constituents feel most welcome and, we hope, shadow free!

Bring Troops Home to Reduce "Pressure" on the Border

During his State of the Union address, President Bush advised the American people that the immigration problem is the result of too much "pressure" on America's borders.

Although the president is wrong on just about everything, he has this one right.

We Democrats intend to help the befuddled president take pressure off the borders by requiring that our troops be withdrawn from Iraq and sent to the border with Mexico by the 4th of July, 2007

At the border, our brave military troops would escort and assure safe passage for any and all Latinos wishing to invade America.

American troops would be authorized to use whatever force needed, including lethal, to prevent renegade border patrol agents and outlaw vigilantes, AKA Minutemen, from hindering the flow of undocumented constituents into the promised land.

In addition to providing escort services, our troops would be used in a door-to-door campaign to confiscate every last firearm in the unsteady hands of ordinary Americans.

Gun Control: Repealing the 2nd Amendment

As the tragic circumstances surrounding the Virginia Tech massacre made quite clear, America must establish far greater legal impediments to all forms of gun ownership.

Repealing the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution is the only reasonable recourse for responsible Americans.

In addition, we Democrats strongly support a recent proposal by a Canadian journalist that would have the U.S. military go door to door to confiscate guns

Undocumented constituents are overwhelmingly in favor of repealing the 2nd Amendment, and would make excellent door to door "confiscators" in America's war against guns.

This is yet another reason why America must bring as many of these people into our nation as soon as possible.

Diversity and Tolerance Workshops

American citizens, particularly white Christian Republicans, can be an intolerant lot, especially when it comes to Spanish-speaking brown people.

A special outreach program should be established to eliminate racist thinking in bigoted whites by showing how undocumented constituents contribute to the America in so many ways.

Think about it: Were it not for undocumented constituents, America would have to fire scores of thousands of police officers, prison guards, probation officers, judges, bail bondsmen, drunk tank officers, car wash managers, and translators in our system of justice.

Without undocumented constituents there would be a calamitous oversupply of food stamps, Cuervo beer, DUI defense attorneys who speak Spanish, welfare caseworkers, ID theft investigators, and English as a Second Language (ESL) instructors.

Undocumented constituents are vital to America's economy and white folks need to wake up and smell the refried beans!

Universal Health Care

As any American citizen who has tried to get medical attention at any emergency room knows, the great masses of undocumented constituents suffer immensely from the lack of affordable health insurance.

Indeed, undocumented constituents generally look haggard, emaciated, hung over, suffering from Delirium Tremors, and lacking in dental care.

A caring nation like America must implement a universal health care program for all people, including undocumented constituents

This humanitarian program can be funded by adding a $2.50 per gallon "wellness levy" to the cost of gasoline used in SUVs, Cadillac and Lincoln sedans, and all other vehicles registered to known Republicans.

A "wellness levy" would reduce the demand for foreign oil, cut global warming, and eliminate the need for Al Gore's hideous "An Inconvenient Truth," billed as a movie, but which was really a paid (by movie goers!) political announcement!

Higher Taxes, Redistribution of Wealth

One of the gravest problems facing America in 2007 is that all the wrong people have money.

Rich, white Republicans control most of the nation's wealth, but these people are simply the wrong people to be in control of so much wealth.

We Democrats support a progressive tax structure to level the playing field between the filthy rich and the unwashed poor.

Undocumented constituents are ALL poor and would vote unanimously to soak the rich with higher, higher, and even higher taxes!

Summary:

America faces many difficult challenges. But by bringing our troops home, tearing down impediments to newcomers, repealing the 2nd Amendment, and enacting other progressive ideas, we can save America for future generations of impoverished Mexicans.

Join me and the Democrat party as we work to make America truly the "Land of the Free" for scores of millions of good hearted, hard working people of color.

Let me close with a deep and inspirational spiritual thought: God dang America!

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