It's A Pundit

Satire By John W. Lillpop

During the recent debate on illegal immigration culminating with the defeat of amnesty bill S1639, conservatives generally voiced righteous indignation at proposed legislation that would legalize 12-30 million people who entered America illegally.

How dare peasants from third world nations thumb their noses at our borders, amnesty opponents demanded? How dare illegal aliens and their allies show so little regard for American sovereignty and rule of law? How dare foreign invaders march in the streets of major American cities while displaying foreign flags and demanding "rights" to which they are not entitled?

Those who spoke out against amnesty and in favor of enforcement were railed against as bigoted racists, xenophobes, and not committed to doing what is best for America. Worse of all, those charges were leveled at conservatives by fellow Republicans, including an addled president who claims to be Republican but whose policies and actions suggest quite the opposite.

Rarely has America been confronted with an issue as emotional, gut wrenching, and divisive as illegal immigration. However, illegal immigration, and resistance thereto, actually has a rich and storied place in American history.

To begin with, on April 26,1607, three British ships, the Susan Constant, the Godspeed, and the Discovery made landfall in the New World. The settlers aboard those three ships eventually established a settlement at what is now known as Jamestown.

Those original settlers were 104 brave men and boys (there were no women), all of whom were Caucasian Europeans who later became notorious for being angry white males.

Angry white males came to the New World only to pursue a better life for themselves and their families. In fact, however, these men and boys were America's first illegal aliens.

Considering the fact that they included no women in their sea faring adventures, the original settlers were also sexist pigs, misogynists, and probably latent homosexuals. Most probably died in San Francisco bars.

Native American Indians living in the Jamestown area in 1607 included the Pembroke, Paspahegh, Nansemonds, and Powhatan tribes, among others.

Indians were blatant in their use of racial profiling and discrimination against "pale face" Europeans, and were the nation's first bigoted racists and xenophobes.

In today's world, there would be an ACLU lawyer assigned to every few teepees just to keep an eye on those racist Indians and their tendency to engage in anti-white violence.

What a story that would be–the ACLU actually working on behalf of white folks for a change!

Had American Indians been successful in preventing good hearted, hard working white settlers from squatting in Jamestown back in 1607, America as we now know it would not exist.

How might America be different?

Examples:

* Bows and arrows would still be the weapons of choice. Modern nuclear devices capable of instantly reducing a city like Moscow to a heap of ashes and leaving the city uninhabitable for 15,000 years would not be available.

* Smoke signals would still be in vogue as the primary communication media, leading to a pandemic of second hand smoke deaths;

* "Diversity Sucks, Red Power Rocks!" would be inscribed on all national currency and coins;

* Tribal gambling casinos in California would be open 24/7, not subject to any taxes, and exempt from all local, state, and federal laws;

* Retail answering machines would instruct callers to punch 1 for Indian, 2 for Spanish, and 3 to make an appointment with an Indian language instructor;

* The American bald eagle would be the meat of choice on days devoted to thanksgiving, while Turkeys would be an endangered species, and

* Islamic extremists would be honored for their devotion to mayhem and murder and would be revered for advanced beheading skills so similar to Indian scalping rituals.

Of course, American Indians were unable to stop illegal immigration.

Which is why the continent is now saddled with outrageous dunderheads and situations like George W. Bush, Nancy Pelosi, the IRS, Al Gore's Internet and global warming inventions, Paris Hilton, and excessive cell phone roaming charges!

To liberals, RINOs, and others intent on promoting illegal immigration: Remember the legacy of the Jamestown settlements, the subsequent decline of Native American Indians, and the ruination of the North American continent!

By John W. Lillpop

When the United States Senate was considering that legislative abomination known as S1639 last month, President Bush attempted to persuade senators to vote for the bill by proposing to commit an additional $4.4 billion dollars of taxpayer money to border security.

Even for a free spending politician like GW Bush, $4.4 billion is a huge sum of money. Therefore, one would assume that the president proposed spending those billions because he was convinced that U.S. homeland security and the well being of the American people were at risk because of flaws in border security.

If that is indeed the case, and if $4.4 billion is needed to secure our borders, then the fact that S1639 ultimately failed is completely irrelevant.

Either the borders are secure, or they are not. Either borders are a homeland security issue, or they are not.

If the borders are secure and not a threat to homeland security, then why in the world did Bush propose spending $4.4 billion dollars on a non-problem?

If, on the other hand, lack of border security is a legitimate threat to the American people, then why in the world is America's war on terror CEO not campaigning 24/7 for legislation and funding to fix those border flaws?

Why is securing the border not the single greatest priority on the Bush agenda these days?

Granting amnesty to 12-30 million illegal aliens will not impact border security one whit, except to encourage scores of millions of additional third-world peasants to head north. And that would only exacerbate the problem.

The big question: Where are those $4.4 billion dollars, Mr. President, and when will your administration finally take border security and rule of law seriously?

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

According to a new poll sure to put a damper on birthday festivities at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, nearly half of the American people want impeachment proceedings to begin against President Bush.

BREITBART: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=070706195925.rdm9h3ci&show_art icle=1

With the Bush approval numbers hovering around 29 percent, the stage is being set for an unprecedented, and most forgettable, moment in American history: That is,the impeachment of consecutive presidents.

Clearly this was not the birthday present GW Bush was expecting in honor of his sixty-first.

And if that news were not distressing enough, Bush suffered another major Republican defection from his Iraq war policy when Senator Pete Domenici of New Mexico called for an immediate change in U.S. strategy that could end combat operations by spring 2008.

Bostoncom: http://www.boston.com/news/nation/washington/articles/2007/07/06/domen ici_parts_ways_with_bush_on_iraq_war

Domenici joins Sen. George Voinovich, R-Ohio and Sen. Richard Lugar of Indiana as recent GOP converts who have abandoned Bush on his signature issue.

With the 2008 elections just over one year away, Bush is likely to find himself more and more isolated on the Iraq war, immigration, and other crucial issues that GOP candidates running for office will have to explain in order to gain voter support.

To the chagrin of those who have supported Bush through thick and thin for six plus years, the president seems oblivious to the fate of his fellow Republicans and the party in general.

More distressing still, the president seems more concerned with his personal legacy than with the future of America, the nation's sovereignty, and preservation of American culture and language.

As the days of summer pass, look for more and more Republicans to desert GW Bush in much the same way he has deserted conservatives time and time again.

As autumn leaves start to fall, one can only hope that a few gutsy and patriotic GOP leaders will stage a "conservative revolution" by working to dump Mel Martinez as RNC Chairman, and by making official their disengagement from GW Bush, worst president in American history.

Unless such a revolution is forthcoming, and soon, the Republican party is doomed to join GW Bush in the dustbin of history as a complete failure.

You know, that cinematic masterpiece titled Sicko, not to be confused with the nickname by which Moore is known in scores of psyche wards and fat farms all across Michigan, and by anyone who has had the misfortune of actually meeting the commie blob.

Sicko could be vastly improved by splicing in a few poignant scenes showing how Muslim physicians practice medicine in the name of Allah across the pond in the UK.

Just a few clips featuring IEDs, car bombs, and suicide bombers should be enough to show how Islamofascist doctors treat sick and dying infidels, Jews, and those suspected of being Jewish:

They blow them to bloody smithereens!

All of which helps to answer a most pressing question: How Did Islam become known as the "Religion of Peace"?

Turns out that is actually a misspelling–it should be "Religion of Piece."

As in a piece of a skull here, a piece of a leg there, a piece of a bowel there.

Nonetheless, liberals bent on destroying the world before global warming can beat them to the punch insist on using politically correct double talk to wax over the real nature of Islamic extremism.

For example, Gordon Brown, UK's new Prime Minister, has banned ministers from using the word “Muslim” in connection with the terrorism crisis. The Prime Minister has also instructed his team that the term “war on terror” is to be dropped.

Gateway: http://gatewaypundit.blogspot.com/2007/07/uk-pm-brown-bans-using-word- muslim-with.html

Brown is responding to pressure from Muslim clerics and doctors who are demanding that greater sensitivity be used when discussing terrorist acts.

Islamic intellectuals have indicated that explosions originating with Muslims should be called "Involuntary Organ Donor Programs" to avoid stirring religious and ethnic biases and prejudices.

Still, there is much about Muslim medicine to love if you are Michael Moore.

Take the Muslim weight loss program, for instance. Unequaled in effectiveness, this miracle treatment guarantees a permanent loss without dieting, exercise, or fear of the yo-yo syndrome.

It's called decapitation, and in Moore's case, it could result in the immediate loss of 50 pounds of ugly fat!

And that would be a good thing–for infidels, Jews, closet Jews, and even Muslims!

Chutzpah is defined as unbelievable gall, insolence, and audacity.

A more perfect word has not yet been devised to describe former President Bill Clinton and his tag partner with the "as needed" hillbilly accent, the redoubtable Hillary Rodham.

That would be the former first couple, commonly known in conservative circles as Slick and Slicker.

Slick and Slicker were in Iowa campaigning for yet another four years of fraud, neutering of the U.S. military, deceit, and kinky sexual escapades in the Oval Office when Slick decided to unload on President Bush over the Scooter Libby commutation.

New York Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/04/us/politics/04clintons.html

Mind you, this is the same bloke who was auctioning off pardons from the War Room in the White House until the very last moments before the swearing in ceremony for President-elect Bush on January 20, 2001.

That would be the same Slick who set a Guinness Book record for the most felons, thugs, and liberal cronies pardoned in any twenty four hour period immediately preceding a change in administrations, while simultaneously engaged in sex with "that woman, " a chunky intern with the initials ML tattooed on her forehead.

Does the name Marc Rich ring a bell, Bill?

You know, Marc Rich, the fellow who had been charged with evading tens of millions of dollars in taxes, and who was the former husband of a top donor to Democrats and Slicker's first Senate campaign?

All in all, in the last hours of his presidency Slick pardoned about 150 disadvantaged untouchables that needed but a helping hand to overcome abuses heaped upon them by an unfair justice system.

In a sick sort of way, Slick provided an invaluable public service by ministering to those helpless souls.

In exchange, while signing pardon documents, Slick was briefly interrupted from acting out on his sex addiction, providing therapy for the thug, and freedom for the fellow thugs upon whom he was bestowing mercy.

And where was Slicker Clinton while Slick was doing work even the Holy Pope would not do?

Hillary Rodham Clinton, the woman who would love to be the 44th President of the United States, was working 24/7 loading a U-Haul trailer with china, paintings, furniture, and other booty nicked from the White House in the early morning hours of January 20, 2001.

Which, by the way, is the real reason why Slick and Slicker want so desperately to retake the White House:

Since January 21, 2001, the rocky Clinton marriage has resulted in dozens of pieces of beautiful china being thrown at Slick, missing the intended target, and being smashed into thousands of pieces of useless trash.

Slick and Slicker are seeking the White House in order to replenish their stolen china inventory!

Satire By John W.Lillpop

Within hours after a federal appeals court refused to allow Scooter to remain free pending the appeal of his perjury conviction, President Bush rushed forward to commute the jail sentence of the former aid to Vice President Cheney.

Although Bush kept Scooter from spending the 4th of July in the slammer, the president let stand Libby's felony conviction, the $250,000 fine, and a two-year probation period.

Most distressing, of course, is the felony conviction.

That means that, in order to vote, Scooter will have to register as a Democrat, America's "big tent" party for the deceased, those here illegally, and felons.

Howard Dean calls it "inclusive politics," however; federal and state authorities classify it as voter fraud.

Raising $250,000 should be relatively easy.

All Libby needs to do is contact a liberal publisher (aren't they ALL?) and mention that he would like to write an expose about Dick Cheney from an "insider's" perspective.

You know, reveal dirty little secrets about Cheney's wonky heart (he doesn't actually have one!). The truth about shooting that lawyer in Texas (it was NOT an accident!).

How W wanted Cheney's daughter Mary to abort her pregnancy until the president learned that the father was an illegal alien from Mexico who needed an "anchor baby" to avoid deportation!

On and on. Make the manuscript crude enough, Scooter, and you could be on the New York Times Best Seller List before summer's end.

Even better still: Announce that you are going to include a chapter or so about the personal life of W, and you might see a full blown pardon coming your way before you get around to firing up your word processor!

In reality, Scooter Libby could have avoided prison and made a small fortune if he had played his cards differently.

Next time, Scooter, follow this strategery.

To begin with, right after your conviction, change your name to Jose` Libbernandez and assume a Spanish accent. A fake ID, including Social Security number and drivers license, can be purchased directly from Ted Kennedy out of his office on Capitol Hill.

Next, scurry down to Mexico and secure a respectable amount of marijuana, cocaine, and heroine, and steal across the border into the U.S. at a location where you are most likely to be spotted by Border Patrol agents.

When spotted by Border Patrol, make a U-turn and started running back towards Mexico.

At that point, because they are racist pigs, the Border Patrol will chase you and most probably shoot you in the butt.

Do not panic: Your ship has finally come in!

After the Border Patrol has arrested you, Jose` Libbernandez, you will be allowed one call.

Use this call wisely by contacting the nearest ACLU office, and tell them you are an illegal alien who has been shot in the ass by the Border Patrol on the American side of the border.

Be sure to mention that you were shot while smuggling drugs into the U.S.

Within 10 minutes or so, an ACLU lawyer will arrive at your cell to greet and comfort you. He or she will immediately begin working on your behalf, and will text message Attorney General Gonzalez to inform him of your plight.

Before you are actually booked, the Gonzalez goons, in concert with the ACLU, will have bailed you out of jail and arrested all of the offending Border Patrol agents to take your place.

You will then be granted immunity from any and all crimes in exchange for your testimony against the criminals, those punks who until two hours ago were Border Patrol agents.

Early next morning, your ACLU lawyer will visit you in your executive suite at the finest hotel in town (paid for by the DOJ) and get you to sign documents needed to sue the former Border Patrol agents, the U.S. government, and all conservative radio talk show hosts and columnists.

Provided the ACLU can find the right leftist judge and a rigged jury, you could be rewarded for your troubles with a five million-dollar judgment!

That is nearly what you would have hauled in by selling all those drugs, Scooter!

What's that, Scooter? You are worried that you might be turned over to American authorities and prosecuted?

Forget it!

Remember, you are Jose` Libbernandez, a good hearted, hard working peasant who just came here to do work that Americans will not do! You are now part of a protected class, a man to who rule of law does not apply.

Welcome home!

John Lillpop is a recovering liberal.

Satire by John W Lillpop

Don't you just love Nancy Pelosi? For a feminist, she sure has robust cajones!

There she was last Friday afternoon, front and center, wearing a grin wide enough to convince naive liberals that she was delighted to stand before them in order to be held accountable for her performance as Speaker of the House.

Here: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2007/06/30/MNGSCQO VNF1.DTL

Flashing the V sign all around, as if she had just captured Osama bin Laden, disabled all 1,000 of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's uranium centrifuges, pulled the plug on North Korea's nuclear program, and ended the war on terror for America, all by her lonesome.

And, she would add, despite the presence of an "incompetent" George W. Bush and obstructionist Republicans in both chambers.

Pelosi started her C-Span Performance Review by commenting how "coincidental" it was that the six-month anniversary of the Democratic takeover of congress, which started January 5, comes so close to July 4th.

Coincidental?

When in Hades was she expecting the six-month anniversary of January 5 to fall? Early October? Spring 2008, perhaps?

Someone PLEASE explain how calendars work to this very troubled sixty-six year old grandma with a dangerous addiction to botox!

After congratulating Democrats for all of their wonderful achievements, which she did not bother to detail, Speaker Pelosi admitted that some issues did not go exactly as she would have preferred.

Like the amnesty bill in the senate, for example. Never one to be deterred by reason or fact, Pelosi blamed the failure of that dilly on those Senate Republicans and that 60-vote thing!

She was referring to cloture, of course.

And of course there are not sixty Republicans in the U.S. Senate. If there were, Harry Reid would back in Utah running real estate scams and accepting bribes from promoters with legislation pending before the most deliberative body in the world, instead of working 24/7 to move the Mexican border somewhere north of Minneapolis, Minnesota!

Still, most people who can stomach more than 20 seconds of Pelosi are die hard liberals who could not care less about the truth.

To most liberals, blaming George W. Bush and Republicans is in their DNA, and is an automatic, reflexive action.

Indeed, blaming George W. Bush for everything has a soothing and therapeutic effect on unsteady liberal minds.

Caution: Look for all heck to break loose on January 20, 2009 when W officially leaves office and throws the entire Democrat party into a massive depression akin to the "Empty Nest" syndrome that parents face when the last child marches off to university.

Prozac and Vodka cocktails will reign supreme in the homes and offices of liberals so very desperate for mental relief.

When asked about the 14 percent approval rating that Congress is currently saddled with, Pelosi did not bat an eye. Instead, she glanced over at Harry Reid and snidely remarked, "I'm not happy with Congress, either."

Touché, Harry!

Were it not for the senate, Pelosi seemed to infer, Congress would be way up there in approval ratings–perhaps even as high as 23 percent, which is where President Bush is quacking these days.

Pelosi concluded the event by reminding her audience that the Democrats had promised America a "new direction," and that they had made considerable progress toward meeting that objective.

Will the person who is going to explain calendars to Pelosi also remind her that most Americans expected the "new direction" to be forward–rather than stuck in reverse, as is now the case under Democrat leadership!

By John W. Lillpop

Although liberal politicians, aided and abetted by biased mainstream media, rarely miss an opportunity to tear down Caucasian men, unabridged American history is actually quite kind to this demographic.

For it was a courageous band of angry white men who offered all of humanity a glimmer of hope for freedom from oppression and tyranny.

On July 4, 1776, the following Declaration poured forth from the hearts of a group of courageous angry white men:

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

Complete Text:

http://www.ushistory.org/declaration/document/index.htm

———————————————————————- —-

Despite a complete(and probably unconstitutional in 2007) lack of diversity, these angry white men created a formula for self-governance and freedom that has made America the envy of the entire world.

Which is not to say that diversity is harmful, or not beneficial to America.

But it is to say that those who are on a never ending crusade to discredit our founding fathers need to replace the anti-white rhetoric with a measure of thankfulness.

That demographic has produced and perfected the most successful and prosperous society in human history.

They genuinely deserve the respect and undying gratitude of all Americans– be they white, brown, black, red, or yellow!

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Most people understand that liberals are slow learners, probably because of birth defects that cause them to live in constant denial, self-delusion, and deceit.

But even wonky DNA and flawed genetics can not explain some of the wretched excesses that are consuming liberal candidates for the presidency these days.

Example: Just two days after the American people kicked the president and U.S. Senate in the teeth over a proposed amnesty scheme, all of the Democrat presidential candidates vowed to push through legislation that would defy the will of the people and legalize illegal aliens and gift them with a path to citizenship.

Azstarnet http://www.azstarnet.com/sn/news/189975.php

The following comment from Barack Obama is particularly revealing:

"As president, I will sign comprehensive immigration reform. I want my daughters to be raised in a community in which all people, and not just some, are considered part of the American dream."

By ALL, we assume that the senator from Illinois means 12-30 million criminal invaders, including rapists, murderers, bank robbers, terrorists, drug and human smugglers, drunk drivers, and all other felons likely to vote a straight Democrat ticket for the next 50 years!

Or, even worse, did Obama mean ALL six billion people on the planet?

But fret not, American patriots. Science is working full time on a cure for liberalism.

Ultrasound technology now used to determine the gender of an unborn fetus may soon be sophisticated enough to alert public health officials when a fetus is infested with the defect that causes liberalism.

Armed with such knowledge, medical science will then be able to administer vaccines, antibiotics, and other treatments to prevent newborn children from degenerating into full-blown liberals.

Until that happy day arrives, we must all remain diligent and do our damnedest to prevent liberals from being elected to any position of authority involving local, state, and federal governments, national security, money, education at all levels, infrastructure, law and order, terrorism, marriage, children, food, automobiles, Christmas, Easter, organized religion, television, the Internet, the U.S. military, foreign relations, the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights, illegal aliens, and the starting pitching for the Los Angeles Dodgers.

It would also help to keep known liberals confined to their own neighborhoods so as to prevent cross breeding with normal people.

Such cross breeding could, if uncontrolled, lead to a pandemic of affirmative action, gay rights, diversity workshops, abortions on demand, higher taxes, addiction to global warming, ungodly fairness doctrines, open borders, and other human calamities.