It's A Pundit

Satire By John W. Lillpop

Over the past 45 years, Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) has cast 15,000 votes, nearly all of which have been against the interests of the American people.

In retrospect, allowing Osama bin Laden to vote in Kennedy's place would have resulted in far less damage to America's democracy, economy, and freedom.

Pity that the Senate does not control voting with the sort of device that prevents intoxicated people from driving. Were such an innovation in place, Kennedy would have recorded less than a dozen votes over that 45-year period, and America would be much safer.

In addition, nearly all liberal legislation would have failed.

15,000 votes fueled by 15 Martinis per vote! That is about right considering Kennedy's burping -voting record.

And that does not include drinks downed by the senator while driving off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island in 1969, a disaster that claimed the life of a young woman named Mary Jo Kopechne.

My how values have changed.

In 2007 the nation is burdened with a 62-year old senator who has yet to be "potty trained" and who thinks its cool to plead guilty, resign, then withdraw his resignation and his guilty plea. Small campaign budgets will drive some politicians to the edge just for free publicity.

In 1969, we had a drunken senator who thought it was cool to drown a young lady and avoid justice because his name was Kennedy.

Talk about a culture of corruption!

Still, there are members of the Senate who chose to say kind words about Kennedy to commemorate his 15,000th mistake.

Most of those voting to honor Kennedy have family and friends who are bartenders, drunk tank operators, and colleagues who understand what it means to be a member of the most ravaged minority in America: Drunk millionaires.

That is what being a Kennedy is all about!

By John W. Lillpop

As the leader of a nation that cannot, or will not, feed, house, educate, or provide health care to it's citizens, Mexican President Calderon should be devoting all of his time and energy to implementing the economic, social, and political changes needed to reform Mexico.

Reforming Mexico's corrupt institutions must be achieved if this nation is to have any hope of escaping third world status.

Unfortunately, President Calderon has decided that interfering with the business of the United States is more important than dealing with Mexico's internal problems. In that respect, Calderon is identical to other recent Mexican leaders who seem incapable of doing much of anything except dumping Mexico's problems on the U.S. side of the border.

Calderon's myopic vision and incredible state of denial were made evident when this troubled man said the following on September 2:

"I want to express again an energetic protest at the unilateral measures taken by the U.S. Congress and government which exacerbate the persecution and abusive treatment of undocumented Mexican workers," Calderon said.

"The Mexican government will continue to insist firmly … on the need for an integral immigration reform and the categorical rejection of the building of a wall on our common border," Calderon added, confirming the fact that he is clue less when it comes to American sovereignty and rule of law.

Reuters:

Several responses to this madness immediately come to mind:

1. They are not "undocumented Mexican workers," Mr. President.

Every one of the 12-30 million illegal aliens currently in America is an invading criminal who has seen fit to willfully ignore America's borders and immigration laws.

They have no legal or moral basis for being here!

2. Yes, the U.S. Congress and government are acting unilaterally to enforce our immigration laws.

Congress and the U.S. government are acting because America is a sovereign nation, and a representative republic. As such our government is required to operate in accordance with the rule of law, even when illegal aliens from Mexico are involved.

The American people do not want illegal aliens from Mexico or any other nation to invade our nation, and we have demanded that our government enforce all existing U.S. laws, including those pertaining to immigration.

It is not necessary, and never will be, for the U.S. government to consult with, or seek consent from, Mexico in order to enforce the law in America.

3. Implementing U.S. laws may indeed result in inconvenience and discomfort for those here illegally.

However, providing convenience and comfort to those here illegally is not the concern of the American people.

American law provides for deportation of illegal aliens in order to protect the interests of those for whom U.S. Immigration laws are intended to protect: Namely, American citizens and those here legally

Deporting Mexicans here illegally does not constitute "abuse" or "persecution."

4. As to Mexico firmly insisting on "integral immigration reform" and "categorical rejection of the building of a wall" on the U.S. Mexico border, Mexico has no basis for insisting on anything, firmly or otherwise.

In simple English, Mr. Calderon, we do not give a dam what you or any of the other so-called leaders in the Mexican government have to say.

American issues are the sole responsibility and authority of the United States and it's government.

5. If the Mexican government has any real concerns for the welfare of Mexican illegal aliens in America, then President Calderon should take immediate steps to prevent Mexican citizens from invading America.

President Calderon should also work with the U.S. to arrange for expeditious deportation of invading criminals back to mother Mexico where the Mexican government can assume it's rightful responsibility.

Finally, let the word go out to President Calderon and the rest of those leading the Mexican government:

The days when Mexico could simply dump her problems on the U.S. side of the border are over! Gone, kaput!

For a change, let the state of Mexico, and not U.S. taxpayers, take responsibility for Mexican citizens.

Period!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

In another distressing sign pointing to the moral and ethical decay of the grandest society known to God, Senator Larry Craig has committed an unforgivable sin for any official entrusted with the public trust: The man lied!

This accusation is as true as rain, whatever the Hades that means.

Consider the aggravating circumstances: If Senator Craig lied when he entered his "guilty" plea in August, while knowing that he was in, fact, not guilty, then this scalawag is guilty of unadulterated perjury.

Remember that Craig was under oath at the time his plea was entered!

For that crime, Craig should be banned from all airports and adjoining men's rooms for life. That may seem like "cruel and unusual" punishment, but the higher courts can sort all that out.

If, on the other hand, this despicable character lied about lying during his "I am not gay" debacle on August 28, then he is guilty of lying.

True, Craig was not under oath during his press statement on the 28th, so technically speaking his lie about lying as well as his "I am not gay" rants are both less serious than his "I am guilty" lie, issued under oath, before a court.

I realize all of these legalese terms are very confusing to non-lawyers.

We need a simple, down to earth solution that the average Joe can understand while gulping down that third six pack of Bud Light right after work and while the steaks are being grilled.

For goodness sakes, keep it simple, Senator!

Here is my simple solution:

Senator Larry Craig should announce that he has switched his party affiliation to Democrat, effective immediately.

That way, no one will ever question Craig's sexuality again, and the American people will automatically assume that Craig is just another Democrat who lies about sex!

What could be simpler?

Hell, if he really acts quickly, Craig could even join the ranks of Hillary Clinton, Dennis Kucinich, Christopher Dodd, and all of the other Democrats running for the White House.

Given the Democrats' tendency to focus intently on issues that concern gays and lesbians, Craig would seem to be a natural. And he might just add a little life to those DULL, DULL, and DULLER debates!

Run, Larry, run!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

High profile Americans in trouble are a diverse lot when it comes to making public amends and spinning the facts in order to minimize their losses. Such people are also fascinating to observe.

Take Michael Vick. On August 27, the NFL star quarterback, who in 2004 signed a contract worth $130 million, owned up to his mistakes like a man and apologized for egregious crimes against man's best friend.

Along the way, Vick claims to have found Jesus. If the Atlanta Falcons have their way, the young man has lost $22 million.

Looking at the bright side, perhaps Jesus can help Vick recover from that devastating financial kick in the pants.

Who knows, with Jesus' help Vick may be to rebuild his wealth to around $300 or $400, provided he works two jobs, seven days a week, for two or three years after he gets out of the slammer.

On the other side of the contrition compendium, we have a distinguished member of the United States Senate. That would be the once honorable Larry Craig, Republican from Idaho, who was elected to the most deliberative body in the world in 1990.

Among his more unique accomplishments, Senator Craig was arrested in June of 2007, allegedly for lewd behavior in an airport bathroom. Men's bathroom, that is.

And how did this powerful United States senator handle this difficult and embarrassing situation?

To begin with, Craig did NOT claim to find Jesus. Nor did the beleaguered senator claim to be comforted by Mohammed, Buddha, or by the reincarnation of Mister Rogers.

Remember the guy is from Idaho and dudes from Idaho are TOUGH.

Which helps explain why Senator Larry Craig said the following about his cruising episode on the floor of the men's lavatory:

"At the time of this incident, I complained to the police that they were misconstruing my actions," he said. "I should have had the advice of counsel in resolving this matter. In hindsight, I should not have pled guilty. I was trying to handle this matter myself quickly and expeditiously."

Exactly, Senator, but next time, get a lawyer AND Jesus, immediately!

Of course, things would be entirely different if Craig were a Democrat.

To begin with, Craig would have been lauded by the Democrat leadership for his courage and dignity in pursuing an “alternative lifestyle.” Craig would have been encouraged to come out of the closet and openly champion his unique sexuality in that hostile, homophobic environment otherwise known as the U.S. Senate.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) would congratulate Craig for his “Special commitment to diversity and humanity in the hugely complex world of contemporary human relationships.”

Senate Majority leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) would have stopped campaigning for a terrorist bill of rights long enough to thank Craig for being an ideal role model for future Democrat politicians. “It would have been easy to forsake his inner child when things started to unravel,” Reid would have whispered on the floor of the U.S. Senate.

All in all, Democrat Senator Craig would have been far more popular, influential, and powerful after his adventures in that men's lavatory than before.

In the parlance of Washington liberals, Craig would have finally “arrived.”

by John W. Lillpop

Mexico seems to be wallowing in “Do As I say, Not As I Do” hypocrisy when it comes to immigration laws. Successive presidents and foreign ministers of the nation have called for leniency on the part of the U.S. when it comes to Mexicans coming to America illegally across U.S. borders.

Do Mexican leaders practice what they preach when it comes to, say, an American couple seeking a cheaper, slower-paced lifestyle? Not on your tortilla!

Mexico, according to journalist and terrorist expert Dr. J. Michael Waller, has some of the strictest immigration laws of any country, and they enforce them to the letter.

A link to his commentary.
http://www.citizensforaconstitutionalrepublic.com/waller5-8-06.html

Waller informs us that “Mexico has a radical idea for a rational immigration policy that most Americans would love. However, Mexican officials haven’t been sharing that idea with us as they press for the U.S. Congress to adopt the McCain-Kennedy immigration reform bill.”

Waller adds: “That’s too bad, because Mexico, which annually deports more illegal aliens than the United States does, has much to teach us about how it handles the immigration issue.

Under Mexican law, it is a felony to be an illegal alien in Mexico.”

Waller sharpens his point by commenting on the unnerving tendency of some legal scholars in the U.S. to use foreign laws as a reference point for deciding issues in America.

Waller states, “At a time when the Supreme Court and many politicians seek to bring American law in line with foreign legal norms, it’s noteworthy that nobody has argued that the U.S. look at how Mexico deals with immigration and what it might teach us about how best to solve our illegal immigration problem.”

And whereas U.S. laws are often cumbersome, complex instruments fathomable only to lawyers who charge upwards of $300 an hour, things are more to the point in Mexican law.

Again, quoting Waller from the referenced link: “Mexico has a single, streamlined law that ensures that foreign visitors and immigrants are:

• In Mexico legally;

• Have the means to sustain themselves economically;

• Not destined to be burdens on society;

• Of economic and social benefit to society;

• Of good character and have no criminal records; and

• Contributors to the general well being of the nation.

“The law also ensures that:

• Authorities have a record of each foreign visitor;

• Foreign visitors do not violate their visa status;

• Foreign visitors are banned from interfering in the country’s internal politics;

• Foreign visitors who enter under false pretenses are imprisoned or deported;

• Foreign visitors violating the terms of their entry are imprisoned or deported;

• Those who aid in illegal immigration will be sent to prison.”

Who could disagree with such a law? It makes perfect sense,” Waller states with unassailable logic.

Unfortunately, very little “perfect sense” is obvious in the ongoing debate on immigration reform here in the United States. Rather, the interests of the American people are often ignored or made subordinate by politicians from both parties.

Of greater interest to some in Washington, D.C., is feeding an insatiable corporate appetite for cheap labor, satisfying a wicked lust for cheap votes, and giving in to an inexplicable drive to promote America’s decay into a third-world abyss.

These ignoble interests trump rule of law, homeland security, economic and social stability, and preservation of American language and culture in the minds of some elected officials sworn to uphold and defend the U.S. Constitution.

By contrast, Waller notes that Mexican law and officials are focused on numero uno–that being Mexico!

Waller writes, “The Mexican constitution strictly defines the rights of citizens – and the denial of many fundamental rights to non-citizens, both illegal and illegal.

“Under the constitution, the Ley General de Población, or General Law on Population spells out specifically the country’s immigration policy.

“It is an interesting law – and one that should cause us all to ask, ‘Why is our southern neighbor pushing us to water down our own immigration laws and policies, when its own immigration restrictions are the toughest on the continent?’

“If a felony is a crime punishable by more than one year in prison, then Mexican law makes it a felony to be an illegal alien in Mexico.

“If the United States adopted such statutes, Mexico no doubt would denounce them as a manifestation of American racism and bigotry.”

Waller supports his main thesis by citing key articles of Mexico’s main
law.

Again quoting from the commentary at http://www.citizensforaconstitutionalrepublic.com/waller5-8-06.html:

“We looked at the immigration provisions of the Mexican constitution. Now let’s look at Mexico’s main immigration law.

“Mexico welcomes only foreigners who will be useful to Mexican society:

• Foreigners are admitted into Mexico “according to their possibilities of
contributing to national progress.” (Article 32)

• Immigration officials must ‘ensure’ that ‘immigrants will be useful elements for the country and that they have the necessary funds for their sustenance’ and for their dependents. (Article 34)

• Foreigners may be barred from the country if their presence upsets ‘the
equilibrium of the national demographics,’ when foreigners are deemed
detrimental to ‘economic or national interests,’ when they do not behave like
good citizens in their own country, when they have broken Mexican laws, and
when ‘they are not found to be physically or mentally healthy.’ (Article 37)

• The Secretary of Governance may ’suspend or prohibit the admission of
foreigners when he determines it to be in the national interest.’ (Article 38)

• Mexican authorities must keep track of every single person in the country:

• Federal, local and municipal police must cooperate with federal immigration
authorities upon request, i.e., to assist in the arrests of illegal immigrants. (Article
73)

• A National Population Registry keeps track of ‘every single individual who
comprises the population of the country,’ and verifies each individual’s identity.
(Articles 85 and 86)

• A national Catalog of Foreigners tracks foreign tourists and immigrants (Article 87), and assigns each individual with a unique tracking number (Article 91).

Foreigners with fake papers, or who enter the country under false pretenses, may be imprisoned:

• Foreigners with fake immigration papers may be fined or imprisoned. (Article
116)

• Foreigners who sign government documents ‘with a signature that is false or
different from that which he normally uses’ are subject to fine and imprisonment. (Article 116)

Foreigners who fail to obey the rules will be fined, deported, and/or imprisoned as felons:

• Foreigners who fail to obey a deportation order are to be punished. (Article 117)

• Foreigners who are deported from Mexico and attempt to re-enter the country without authorization can be imprisoned for up to 10 years. (Article 118)

• Foreigners who violate the terms of their visa may be sentenced to up to six years in prison (Articles 119, 120 and 121). Foreigners who misrepresent the terms of their visa while in Mexico – such as working with out a permit – can also be imprisoned.

• Under Mexican law, illegal immigration is a felony. The General Law on Population says,

• A penalty of up to two years in prison and a fine of three hundred to five
thousand pesos will be imposed on the foreigner who enters the country
illegally. (Article 123)

• Foreigners with legal immigration problems may be deported from Mexico
instead of being imprisoned. (Article 125)

• Foreigners who ‘attempt against national sovereignty or security’ will be
deported. (Article 126)

• Mexicans who help illegal aliens enter the country are themselves considered
criminals under the law.

• A Mexican who marries a foreigner with the sole objective of helping the
foreigner live in the country is subject to up to five years in prison. (Article 127)

• Shipping and airline companies that bring undocumented foreigners into Mexico will be fined. (Article 132)”

Waller summarizes his review of Mexican law with this statement: “All of the above runs contrary to what Mexican leaders are demanding of the United States. The stark contrast between Mexico’s immigration practices versus its American immigration preaching is telling. It gives a clear picture of the Mexican government’s agenda: to have a one-way immigration relationship with the United States.”

Waller concludes his excellent work with a challenge that should be visited upon all 535 members of the U.S. Congress and President Bush as they consider immigration reform.

Waller’s challenge:

“Let’s call Mexico’s bluff on its unwarranted interference in U.S. immigration policy.

Let’s propose, just to make a point, that the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) member nations standardize their immigration laws by using Mexico’s own law as a model.”

Congratulations to J. Michael Waller.* His is a voice of sanity that needs to be heard, especially by inmates wandering the halls and cloak rooms of Capitol Hill and 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

*J. Michael Waller is vice president for Information Operations at the Center for Security Policy. A journalist and author, he brings expertise in terrorism, intelligence, the former Soviet Union, and the Americas. He previously served as a consultant to the U.S. Department of State.

By John W. Lillpop

Proving once again that Mexico is home to the dumbest, most lame brained politicians in the entire world, the Mexican senate decided last week to join forces with deposed felon Elvira Arrellano in her mindless battle against justice in America.

For those who have been vacationing outside our universe for the past several months, Elvira Arrellano is an immoral Mexican criminal who invaded America in 1997 and who was ordered by the courts to leave America several years ago.

How much of a low-life is the despicable Elvira Arrellano?

Consider this. This sub-human garbage disposal with a uterus hid behind her own child inside a church just to avoid justice for her felony crimes.

Shielded from justifiable deportation for well over a year, Arrellano decided to trot off to Hollywood to strut her stuff before the assembled masses of illegal aliens residing in Los Angeles.

Being the dunderhead that she is, Arrellano set herself up for an arrest by ICE and immediate removal from American soil.

And that is exactly what came down as ICE arrested the corrupt Arrellano around 4 PM on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, a picture perfect day for deporting criminals!

Within a matter of hours, American ICE agents had jettisoned this worthless bag lady back to Mexico, home to more worthless criminals than one cares to contemplate.

Still, it is better that the tramps are in Mexico, rather than here.

The quick removal of Elvira Arrellano advanced the United States one tramp closer to that spiritual objective last weekend.

Once she was back in her beloved third world Mexico, Arrellano made a much-publicized appearance before the Mexican senate. This publicity stunt gave her a forum from which to make an impassioned plea for help in her campaign to force the United Sates government to forsake rule of law, border security, and, most especially, deportation of unwelcome criminals back to Mexico.

Mind you, Arrellano had originally planned to make this pitch to the United States senate, but after hearing democrat traitors like Barack Obama pander to the illegal alien community, Arrellano decided to save her lies and fraud for presentation to the Mexican senate.

The main thesis behind Arrellano's argument is actually quite comical and could be terrific material for a future George Lopez sitcom. The tortured illogic goes something like this:

"America's immigration system is broken. As a result, any Latino who decides to move to America is perfectly justified in doing so by simply ignoring U.S. borders and laws!"

The "Arrellano Guide to Invasion" limits this option to Latinos, and conspicuously fails to take note of the fact that she and millions of other renegade criminals from Mexico are responsible for causing our laws to be broken!

Of course, the Mexican senate immediately agreed with the addle-brained Arrellano.

Indeed, several Mexican 'law breakers' called on President Felipe Calderon to
lodge a stern complaint with United States officials to protest the return of Elvira Arrellano back to Mexico.

When one considers the person that is Elvira Arrellano, it is quite understandable that even third world Mexicans do not want this creep in their midst!

But although one can appreciate why Elvira Arrellano is unwelcome even in Mexico, there is zero sympathy in these quarters for her type.

Elvira Arrellano is in Mexico— and that is exactly where she belongs!

Immediately after making Arrellano into a saint and cherished martyr, Mexico's deliberative body took up the issue of Saul Arrellano.

Saul is the eight-year-old young man with the incredibly bad karma to have been born to Elvira Arrellano.

Young Saul is also the foundation for another absurd Mexican argument, which holds that deportations are wrong because they separate families.

The problem with that notion is two fold: To begin with, Arrellano, being the promiscuous alley cat that she is, does not even know who sired young Saul.

All that Saul knows about his father is that he is an illiterate Mexican illegal with wretchedly poor taste in women!

Some commitment to "united families," say what?

The second and just as lethal problem is that Arrellano was free to take Saul with her back to Mexico.

Had Arrellano chosen to do so, Saul would have been with his corrupt mother without jeopardizing his U.S. citizenship, which can always be executed at a more suitable time later in the young man's life.

But being with 'family' was apparently not all that vital to Elvira Arrellano.

Again, some commitment to "united families," say what?

As to the Mexican senate and it's meddling in the business of the United States, our government needs to send the following message to these losers:

"Rather than wasting their time trying to make America into a third world cesspool like Mexico, Mexico's politicians need to devote their time and energies to ending corruption, graft, and greed within their homeland.

By doing so, this pathetic nation might someday actually be able to feed, house, clothe, and provide health care for it's own citizens, rather than dumping tens of millions of peasants on the American side of the border!"

Do you suppose Dubya Bush can be counted on to send this sort of message to his buddies in Mexico?

By John W. Lillpop

In arguing against NAFTA more than fifteen years ago, Ross Perot, the last politician from Texas with reasonable English skills, argued that NAFTA would lead to a 'Giant Sucking Sound.'

According to the Texas-sized dwarf, that would be the sound of American jobs being lured south of the border to third world Mexico.

Well, there IS indeed a 'Giant Sucking Sound' making headlines in America these days, but it is sweet music to the ears of Americans living in Oklahoma.

Because of tough new immigration-deportation laws that will soon be in effect in the great, great state of Oklahoma, tens of thousands of illegal aliens are leaving the state! Voluntarily no less!

Like getting the hell out, adios and all of that!

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=57313

That 'Giant Sucking Sound' is proof positive that our out of touch president, RINOs, and all Democrats are dead wrong when they claim that deportations are impossible.

Mind you, deporting people who do not belong here will take a smattering of common sense from Washington, D.C.

Now THAT might be impossible!

All that is really required to solve the illegal alien mess is to remove all the perks and goodies that cause the invaders to come here in the first place.

In other words, cut off welfare, food stamps, free health care, education and all other public services which illegal aliens do not deserve.

Then rigidly enforce TOUGH laws to make life as make life as inconvenient as possible for the invading criminals.

Do those simple things and illegal aliens will initiate self-deportations, thereby gifting Americans with a decent shot at saving our blessed nation.

The federal government can do it's part and help build momentum for self-deportations by arresting and removing felons like Elvira Arellano from American soil immediately.

Bottom line: Local, state, and federal governments must join forces in combating the curse of illegal immigration.

If done properly, that 'Giant Sucking Sound' could replace the Star Spangled Banner as America's favorite sound, especially when associated with the fact that illegal aliens are leaving en masse!

Satire By John W. Lillpop

While politicians waste time and taxpayer money on trivial matters like the war in Iraq, global warming, illegal aliens, and foreclosure of the housing bubble via sub-prime loan chicanery, more astute Americans spend their days and nights worrying about canine cruelty.

Bleeding heart PETA types, energized by the Michael Vick dog fighting kerfuffel, have taken to staged hand wringing and crying jags over a few wasted mutts. These outbursts can occur anywhere at any time, but are most likely to crop up whenever two or more television camera crews are spotted at a courthouse or on a football field.

Given their way, PETA would resolve the Vick matter by hanging the once beloved quarterback from a goal post during half time of the Atlanta Falcons' home opener in the Georgia Dome on September 23.

To assure maximum excitement, PETA would have Vick wrapped in a remote-controlled electrocution blanket just in case hanging failed to end the miserable life of Number 7.

When text messaged to do so by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, the president of PETA would push a red button that would immediately send 30,000 volts of Carolina Power and Light juice rushing through Vick's being.

75,000 rabid fans would roar their approval in unison as Michael Vick's smoldering remains would be lowered from the goal post, signaling the end of half time festivities and the looming second half kickoff.

Justice is indeed a brutal taskmaster, especially when in the hands of reckless people who hold the lives of dogs, cats, canaries, field mice and rats in greater esteem than that of human beings.

Someone needs to remind PETA and supporters that dogs are just dogs. Dogs have no souls, none will go to heaven, they pay no taxes, and except for a few hundred thousand who are registered Democrats in Nancy Pelosi's congressional district, dogs do not vote or otherwise contribute to our freedom.

Face it, PETA, dogs are dispensable and totally replaceable.

Even the little old lady whose tender heart was nearly ripped out of her wrinkled chest when she accidentally microwaved her pet poodle got over the trauma and found a replacement pet-victim within a couple of days.

Ask her about Alice (the fried poodle) now and that old lady stares blankly into space and asks, "Alice who?"

And so it is, even for people without dementia. Dogs are dogs, but you can replace the darn things at the drop of a hat, or following an unplanned microwave nuking.

Those who really give a tinker's dam about life should abandon all this PETA nonsense and focus instead on saving human lives.

We can start by outlawing pro football.

This so-called sport is nothing more than controlled gang violence staged for the amusement of millions of "fans" who sit on their already elongated posteriors in front of plasma televisions for 10-12 hours every Sunday.

Not content with just eating ungodly amounts of chips, burgers, and hot dogs, and drinking enough beer to float the entire city of Milwaukee across the border into Canada, these Type 2 diabetics and heart disease patients in the making gamble away tens of billions of dollars on who will win and by how many points.

Mind you, this homage is paid to the god of 'blood and sport' each and every Sunday!

The charm of football is best seen in instant replays played in slow motion so that fans can see the spilling of blood and the actual breaking of human necks, arms, backs, and teeth time and time again. Concussions are a fan favorite and are tended to by physicians who are "on call" on the sidelines for $5,000 per game.

Not bad pay for watching a pro football game for a couple of hours while waiting for human disaster to strike.

Bloodthirsty fans can even DVD-tape the carnage for later viewing at church functions, family reunions, weddings, and other occasions held to celebrate traditional American family values.

To be fair, let's level the playing field by legalizing dog fighting and outlawing the far more inhumane and violent blood sport called football.

Do it out of respect and love for Michael Vick and other fun-loving good old boys from the south who simply cannot be expected to know any better!

From coast to coast and in all of the hamlets in between, a clarion call is being sounded. Patriots everywhere are demanding Sanctuary Cities for Americans, and only Americans!

In order to qualify as a Sanctuary City for Americans, a city must have codified the following provisions into the City Ordinance and be prepared to demonstrate that full compliance will be rigidly enforced, with zero tolerance for non-compliance.

Requirements for being a Sanctuary City for Americans:

1. Residency is restricted to those in America legally. Local police, fire men, postal carriers, librarians, fast food and car wash operators, hospital administrators, all city officials, undertakers, and ordinary citizens are authorized and obligated to verify residency status whenever there is the slightest doubt.

2. English must be the official language of the city. Ballots, parking tickets, Lost Dog flyers, newspapers, business and government documents, and voter registration materials shall be executed only in English.

3. Known RINOs and "progressive" democrats shall be prohibited from seeking elective office or any position of influence.

4. Day labor centers are outlawed.

5. The ACLU and other known anti-American anarchists shall not be allowed to conduct business within city limits. ACLU lawyers shall also be prohibited from owing personal property in the city.

6. Catholic churches and other communist outlets must register with the city, and must not offer to shield illegal aliens from the law, as happened in Chicago with criminal celebrity Elvira Arellano.

7. Speaking Spanish in public is a misdemeanor offense on the first occasion and a very serious felony on the second and all subsequent convictions.

8. Mowing one's own lawn, cleaning one's own home, and washing one's own car are considered hugely patriotic acts, and may be substituted for military service in normal circumstances.

9. Food stamps may not be used to purchase alcohol or illegal drugs.

10. Sub-prime loans shall not be used to purchase property in city limits, but may be used to finance self-deportation of 5 or more illegal aliens.

Do these requirements sound extreme? In truth, they are no more absurd than a government body going out of its way to attract and support illegal aliens!

Sanctuary Cities for Americans: An idea whose time is NOW!

Captain Barbossa from Pirates of the Caribbean.

By John W. Lillpop

In response to my August 20th article about the deportation of criminal Elvira Arellano, a confused reader angrily defended Arellano and demanded that I show more respect for the deposed criminal.

As Captain Barbossa said in a classic line in the first Pirates of the Caribbean,

"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. It means NO!"

Well said, Captain!

Those words reflect my sentiments exactly when it comes to granting Elvira Arellano anything except scorn and a one-way ticket back to her third world Mexico.

Fact is, Elvira Arellano is not owed even a sniff of respect.

To begin with, although Arellano claims she is "not a criminal," she is actually a twice-convicted felon.

When Arellano invaded America for the first time in August 1997, she was arrested and deported. But this cowardly miscreant chose to break American law again. She re-invaded our blessed and sovereign nation — a felony punishable by up to 20 years in prison.

In 2002, Arellano was "working illegally for a janitorial services business whose employees had access to sensitive areas." Subsequently, Arellano was convicted for using someone else's Social Security number — a felony.

In addition to her actionable felonies and complete disregard for American laws, Arellano has exploited her young son to avoid the long arm of the law. Arellano's despicable behavior reached a new low when she grabbed her young son and took up squatting in a Chicago church in order to thwart ICE agents.

To those concerned with the impact that all of this might have on Arellano's young son, the harsh reality is that the youngster deserves a mother who is morally fit, emotionally stable, and law-abiding.

Arellano provides none of those qualities; therefore, Saul will be better served by being separated from his hoodlum mum.

Saul also deserves to have a relationship with his father. Unfortunately for Saul, Elvira Arellano does not even know who sired the youngster.

So much for "shared family values" that our out-of-touch president promotes as a reason for open borders, amnesty, and other hair-brained notions about why citizens should welcome the invasion of America by illegal aliens!

This is yet another reason why Saul will benefit immensely from a long and forced separation from the thug he has been obligated to call mom.

Respect for Elvira Arellano?

"I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request. It means NO!"